Seminars & email courses
Make every word count
|
Here are some additional exercises illustrating the 14 techniques of concise writing that I present in my book, Keys to Great Writing. As in the first set of exercises, page numbers refer to the relevant sections in Chapter 1, “Economy.”
The following techniques will help you eliminate wordiness in your writing. Each technique is accompanied by three sentences for you to revise.
#Edit for patterns of wordiness (p. 14)1. Delete redundant modifiers (p. 15)
a. Everyone in the immediate vicinity congratulated her on her new position.
b. The general consensus was that she was completely surprised.
c. To express her appreciation, she offered free gifts to all who were present.
2. Delete redundant categories (p. 16)
a. When she stood up, I saw that she was tall in stature.
b. She held up a book whose cover was red in color.
c. The changes she requested were cosmetic in nature.
3. Replace redundant word pairs with single words (p. 16)
a. First and foremost she called for greater cooperation.
b. She said her one and only goal was to promote better working relations.
c. Next she offered a full and complete explanation of past problems, an explanation that seemed true and accurate to me.
4. Replace wordy expressions with single words (p. 18)
a. Her skills in the area of public speaking were impressive.
b. Throughout the course of her speech she punctuated her main points with dramatic pauses.
c. Subsequent to her talk, someone asked the question as to whether she would continue to serve in her current capacity until such time as her successor was appointed.
5. Delete “hollow” hedges and meaningless intensifiers (p. 21)
a. When her best friend heard the news, she was quite overjoyed.
b. But Kathy, who thought she was in line for the next promotion, was completely devastated.
c. I myself was certainly surprised by Kathy’s reaction.
6. Delete needless repetition (p. 22)
a. The principal issue that must be addressed is the fairness issue.
b. I’ll be with you in five minutes from now.
c. When I say no, I mean no.
7. Delete that for brevity; retain that for clarity (p. 22)
a. I didn’t know that you were in town.
b. She assured me that, despite the hard feelings caused by her promotion, she could be an effective leader.
c. She doubted her boss, who had always been forthright, would lie to her now.
#Know how to start; know when to stop (p. 23)8. Avoid protracted introductions (p. 23)
a. The fact of the matter is we need to work together.
b. To tell you the truth, I think her complaint is unwarranted.
c. In my personal opinion, I don’t think we have anything to worry about.
9. Use It, There, and What constructions carefully (p. 25)
a. It is my suggestion that we work hard to avoid further misunderstandings.
b. There are three things we can do.
c. What we need to do first is restore trust.
10. Trim sentence endings for closing emphasis (p. 29)
a. Maybe it will sag in a downward motion.
b. We need to do something now about the problems that are occurring.
c. No one should doubt her determination regarding this matter.
#Take the most direct route (p. 31)11. Prefer action verbs to nominalizations (p. 31)
a. My recommendation is that we undertake a review of our hiring practices.
b. I just came to the realization that I have a tendency to use nouns rather than verbs.
c. Make a revision in this sentence.
12. Avoid indirect negatives (p. 32)
a. We didn’t break any laws.
b. I didn’t say anything that could be construed as disloyal.
c. His off-color joke was not appropriate.
13. Avoid needless attribution (p. 33)
a. As luck would have it, I gambled everything and lost.
b. According to historical record, President Jefferson concluded the Louisiana Purchase in 1803.
c. It is assumed by many people that the harder you work, the more likely you are to succeed.
14. Limit personal commentary (p. 33)
a. My personal opinion is that I think you did a good job.
b. To be honest, I have nothing more to say.
c. If you ask me, there are few things more satisfying than doing work you love to do.
#Edit for patterns of wordiness (p. 14)
1. Delete redundant modifiers (p. 15)
a. Everyone in the immediate vicinity congratulated her on her new position. a. Everyone in the vicinity congratulated her on her new position.
b. The general consensus was that she was completely surprised. b. The consensus was that she was surprised.
c. To express her appreciation, she offered free gifts to all who were present. c. To express her appreciation, she offered gifts to all who were present.
#Edit for patterns of wordiness (p. 14)
2. Delete redundant categories (p. 16)
a. When she stood up, I saw that she was tall in stature. a. When she stood up, I saw that she was tall.
b. She held up a book whose cover was red in color. b. She held up a book whose cover was red.
c. The changes she requested were cosmetic in nature. c. The changes she requested were cosmetic.
3. Replace redundant word pairs with single words (p. 16)
a. First and foremost she called for greater cooperation. a. First she called for greater cooperation.
b. She said her one and only goal was to promote better working relations. b. She said her only goal was to promote better working relations. Or: b. She said her primary goal was to promote better working relations.
c. Next she offered a full and complete explanation of past problems, an explanation that seemed true and accurate to me. c. Next she offered a complete explanation of past problems, an explanation that seemed accurate to me.
4. Replace wordy expressions with single words (p. 18)
a. Her skills in the area of public speaking were impressive. a. Her skills in public speaking were impressive.
b. Throughout the course of her speech she punctuated her main points with dramatic pauses. b. Throughout her speech she punctuated her main points with dramatic pauses.
c. Subsequent to her talk, someone asked the question as to whether she would continue to serve in her current capacity until such time as her successor was appointed. c. After her talk, someone asked whether she would continue to serve in her current capacity until her successor was appointed.
5. Delete “hollow” hedges and meaningless intensifiers (p. 21)
a. When her best friend heard the news, she was quite overjoyed. a. When her best friend heard the news, she was overjoyed.
b. But Kathy, who thought she was in line for the next promotion, was completely devastated. b. But Kathy, who thought she was in line for the next promotion, was devastated.
c. I myself was certainly surprised by Kathy’s reaction. c. I myself was surprised by Kathy’s reaction.
6. Delete needless repetition (p. 22)
a. The principal issue that must be addressed is the fairness issue. a. The principal issue that must be addressed is fairness.
b. I’ll be with you in five minutes from now. b. I’ll be with you in five minutes.
c. When I say no, I mean no. c. When I say no, I mean no. Note: Repetition, as used in this sentence, can create emphasis.
7. Delete that for brevity; retain that for clarity (p. 22)
a. I didn’t know that you were in town. a. I didn’t know you were in town.
b. She assured me that, despite the hard feelings caused by her promotion, she could be an effective leader. b. She assured me that, despite the hard feelings caused by her promotion, she could be an effective leader. Note: In a sentence with an aside, such as “despite the hard feelings caused by her promotion,” “that” serves to mark the interruption and help the reader hold the thought.
c. She doubted her boss, who had always been forthright, would lie to her now. c. She doubted that her boss, who had always been forthright, would lie to her now.
■Know how to start; know when to stop (p. 23)
8. Avoid protracted introductions (p. 23)
a. The fact of the matter is we need to work together. a. We need to work together.
b. To tell you the truth, I think her complaint is unwarranted. b. I think her complaint is unwarranted.
c. In my personal opinion, I don’t think we have anything to worry about. c. I don’t think we have anything to worry about.
9. Use It, There, and What constructions carefully (p. 25)
a. It is my suggestion that we work hard to avoid further misunderstandings. a. I suggest we work hard to avoid further misunderstandings. Or: a. We need to work hard to avoid further misunderstandings.
b. There are three things we can do. b. We can do three things.
c. What we need to do first is restore trust. c. First we need to restore trust. Note: The original version might be more appropriate for spoken communication, because a listener assimilates information more slowly than a reader.
10. Trim sentence endings for closing emphasis (p. 29)
a. Maybe it will sag in a downward motion. a. Maybe it will sag.
b. We need to do something now about the problems that are occurring. b. We need to do something now about these problems. Or: b. We need to do something about these problems now.
c. No one should doubt her determination regarding this matter. c. No one should doubt her determination.
#Take the most direct route (p. 31)
11. Prefer action verbs to nominalizations (p. 31)
a. My recommendation is that we undertake a review of our hiring practices. a. I recommend we review our hiring practices.
b. I just came to the realization that I have a tendency to use nouns rather than verbs. b. I just realized I tend to use nouns rather than verbs.
c. Make a revision in this sentence. c. Revise this sentence.
12. Avoid indirect negatives (p. 32)
a. We didn’t break any laws. a. We broke no laws.
b. I didn’t say anything that could be construed as disloyal. b. I said nothing that could be construed as disloyal.
c. His off-color joke was not appropriate. c. His off-color joke was inappropriate.
13. Avoid needless attribution (p. 33)
a. As luck would have it, I gambled everything and lost. a. I gambled everything and lost.
b. According to historical record, President Jefferson concluded the Louisiana Purchase in 1803. b. President Jefferson concluded the Louisiana Purchase in 1803.
c. It is assumed by many people that the harder you work, the more likely you are to succeed. c. The harder you work, the more likely you are to succeed.
14. Limit personal commentary (p. 33)
a. My personal opinion is that I think you did a good job. a. I think you did a good job.
b. To be honest, I have nothing more to say. b. I have nothing more to say.
c. If you ask me, there are few things more satisfying than doing work you love to do. c. There are few things more satisfying than doing work you love to do.
|
